#558

66

Sept. 24, 2009, 4:10 p.m.

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//talking about Monastic Friday Ms. Duval: If you call me mother and I call you brother, that's just weird. Jacob: It's like Oedipus Rex! Ms. Duval: I don't wanna live in that family.

#600

66

Oct. 8, 2009, 7:15 p.m.

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//Mr. Rose is explaining Hotel Infinity Mr. Rose: So you cannot have 1 more spoon or 1 more fork when catering, okay? Wait, wait, wait-- no, bad example. Okay, you must have THE EXACT SAME NUMBER of forks and knives or you'll get fired. Student: *confused* Wait, what happened to the spoons? Mr. Rose: FORGET THE SPOONS!

#619

66

Oct. 11, 2009, 4:51 p.m.

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Dr. Smith: Don’t lose your book. We charge $35.77, but last I checked, they cost $77.

#638

66

Oct. 12, 2009, 11:06 a.m.

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Student 1: Can I go to the bathroom? Whitacre: Well I don't know, can you? I like people who can't go to the bathroom. I like to watch their bladder explode. Student 2: Doesn't it make a mess on your floor?

#641

66

Oct. 12, 2009, 11:09 a.m.

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//talking about Harry Potter and JK Rowling Whitacre: I've never seen a series that killed off so many people. She's a homicidal maniac!

#647

66

Oct. 12, 2009, 11:10 a.m.

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//to Jacob, after he put an assignment on BILL Whitacre: You're helping people! Did I not teach you anything? You're ruining survival of the fittest! How is this natural selection if you're dragging people along with you? Compassion. Casualties. Compassion. Casualties.

#650

66

Oct. 12, 2009, 11:11 a.m.

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Dr. Smith: Very few people -- I am maybe one of only two or three in the world -- understand what's actually going on in Crime and Punishment.

#664

66

Oct. 13, 2009, 11:07 a.m.

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Mikey: I think a capacitor is like a spring. Schafer: A capacitor is like a toilet. Mario: What? Schafer: What? Mario: I didn't hear the whole conversation. Schafer: The whole conversation was, "A capacitor is like a toilet." It's pretty much my best analogy ever. Vikas, please explain. //Vikas defers to Ben, but Ben's explanation isn't funny Schafer: You're not a good storyteller. You haven't reached my level of maturity. You see, sometimes a small trickle is enough, but when you have a lot of business... //later, still talking about the analogy Schafer: I cannot use the four-letter word I want to use to describe this analogy. Poop.

#675

66

Oct. 14, 2009, 12:55 p.m.

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Kamal: Anyone want brownies? *holds up a bag* Jacob: Whoo! *jumps up, then slips and falls because he's only wearing socks*

#681

66

Oct. 14, 2009, 7:41 p.m.

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Whitacre: I wanna see you try that athlete stuff in the hallway, smack some guy on the ass and go, "Hey, nice job in that algebra class! Good work on that equation!"