#628

1111

Oct. 11, 2009, 4:52 p.m.

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Whitacre: You want me to grade on a curve? This wouldn’t be a curve. It would be a ninety degree angle.

#638

66

Oct. 12, 2009, 11:06 a.m.

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Student 1: Can I go to the bathroom? Whitacre: Well I don't know, can you? I like people who can't go to the bathroom. I like to watch their bladder explode. Student 2: Doesn't it make a mess on your floor?

#641

66

Oct. 12, 2009, 11:09 a.m.

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//talking about Harry Potter and JK Rowling Whitacre: I've never seen a series that killed off so many people. She's a homicidal maniac!

#645

33

Oct. 12, 2009, 11:10 a.m.

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Whitacre: "I love you, and if we have sex, I won't be using you, it'll mean something to me." If that works, I'm writing that one down.

#647

66

Oct. 12, 2009, 11:10 a.m.

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//to Jacob, after he put an assignment on BILL Whitacre: You're helping people! Did I not teach you anything? You're ruining survival of the fittest! How is this natural selection if you're dragging people along with you? Compassion. Casualties. Compassion. Casualties.

#650

66

Oct. 12, 2009, 11:11 a.m.

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Dr. Smith: Very few people -- I am maybe one of only two or three in the world -- understand what's actually going on in Crime and Punishment.

#651

33

Oct. 12, 2009, 7:05 p.m.

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//looking over a homework problem with A=e^rt Stein: Hey wait, we can't use A. So let's use B. Hey look! It's Bert! Now we need an Ernie... //writes "=Be^(rt) + Ernie" on the board

#652

33

Oct. 12, 2009, 7:06 p.m.

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//talking about Newton's laws of heating and cooling Stein: So let's say we want barbecued toe fungus. You know, as a delicacy or something. Actually, how would that work? I guess you'd have to coat it in breadcrumbs, deep-fry it for a bit, then put on barbecue sauce? Whatever.

#656

33

Oct. 12, 2009, 7:13 p.m.

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//Stein's phone rings Stein: It's that car guy *hangs up* //5 minutes later, it rings again Stein: Ugh! //5 minutes later, it rings yet again Stein: STOP IT!

#664

66

Oct. 13, 2009, 11:07 a.m.

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Mikey: I think a capacitor is like a spring. Schafer: A capacitor is like a toilet. Mario: What? Schafer: What? Mario: I didn't hear the whole conversation. Schafer: The whole conversation was, "A capacitor is like a toilet." It's pretty much my best analogy ever. Vikas, please explain. //Vikas defers to Ben, but Ben's explanation isn't funny Schafer: You're not a good storyteller. You haven't reached my level of maturity. You see, sometimes a small trickle is enough, but when you have a lot of business... //later, still talking about the analogy Schafer: I cannot use the four-letter word I want to use to describe this analogy. Poop.