#5876

55

April 12, 2016, 9:56 a.m.

⚐ Report

Klein: What's the use of half a child -- other than as a doorstop.

#5880

55

April 13, 2016, 2:21 p.m.

⚐ Report

Whitacre: How many people are taking 2 APs? //most people raise their hands Whitacre: How about 3? 4? //progressively fewer people raise their hands Whitacre: 5? //only a few people left raising their hands Whitacre: My next number is why?

#5894

55

April 18, 2016, 12:16 p.m.

⚐ Report

//Day before an assignment is due; Mr. Pham allows questions to be asked Justin: For question 73... Pham: Boy! What is your life?

#5914

55

April 30, 2016, 7:32 p.m.

⚐ Report

//regarding dance troupes at UMD Junie Wu: You know what's sad, all the dance people like auditioning are black. I'm gonna be the only white person there.

#5918

55

May 3, 2016, 11:37 a.m.

⚐ Report

////Nick had just given Simon 5 bucks to buy lunch. Simon goes to lunch line and comes back Simon: So it turns out my parents put 500 dollars into my account.

#6022

55

Sept. 13, 2016, 2:23 p.m.

⚐ Report

Student: "Mr. Klein, how long can you hold your breath?" Klein: "Ok, that seems apropos of nothing, but, six minutes fourteen seconds." Student: "That's an unexpectedly long time." Klein: "I used to be a navy seal. Don't you read Blair Bash?"

#6023

55

Sept. 13, 2016, 6:12 p.m.

⚐ Report

Davis: "You were retreating from the enemy force at a much faster pace than honorable."

#6032

55

Sept. 21, 2016, 12:52 a.m.

⚐ Report

Thanuri: Who needs drugs when you can just take off someone's glasses.

#6075

55

Oct. 27, 2016, 11:55 a.m.

⚐ Report

Stein: I'm early voting today. Students: Why? Stein: Because I'm a habitual jaywalker... Students: And the chance that you get hit by a bus is not zero. Stein: Yeah, I want my vote to count. Giles: What happens if you get hit today? Stein: Well, I'm not gonna jaywalk today.

#6128

55

Dec. 21, 2016, 5:51 p.m.

⚐ Report

//Math phys is doing physics problems in front of the class. Schafer gave everyone two cards, and is calling people by drawing cards. Kusal's card gets drawn. Kusal: Damn it! This next one is going to be the bicycle problem, I just know it. (The bicycle problem is hard) Schafer: Hmm...I will make you a deal. If you can correctly guess the number of the next problem, you can not do it. If you guess wrong, your card goes back in the deck, and I will use your two lowest scores. Kusal: Wait...hold on...yeah, let's do it. //Class murmurs about Kusal making a bad decision //Kusal writes a problem number on the board. Schafer goes to the next problem. Schafer: Yeah, no. It's not the bicycle problem. //Class is laughing Schwartz: Moral of the story: never make bets with Schafer.