#13586

2834

March 30, 2025, 4:04 p.m.

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//More stupid jokes from Alan at history bowl Alan: This summer i was in Vienna when a group of Austrian kids asked where i came from. I responded in broken German: "Ich bin aus Washington D.C., das Kapital der Amerika." They gave me some questionable looks until I understood my fatal mistake. (Das Kapital was a Marxist work; he meant to say der Hauptstadt, which meant the capital)

#2

1618

May 21, 2009, 12:13 p.m.

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// Mr. Stein telling his Sports Statistics class about competitive eating I know a lot about competitive eating... [Pats stomach] ...as you can see.

#903

1618

Nov. 19, 2009, 8:35 p.m.

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*a student knocks on the door loudly and someone lets him in. he sharpens his pencil like a mad man* Rose: Maaaaan, can you go bother someone else? I'm teaching a class here! Student: But there's no other pencil sharpeners! Rose: No, just get out of here! Student: *runs out of there like crazy*

#1300

1618

Jan. 11, 2010, 10:52 p.m.

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Alex: yo, quantum question? Shirley: yo Alex: so like. dis join be asking. What is the rest mass of an alpha particle in MeV/c². question is. can i figure that out somehow? or is that just, i gotta know this number // Slight pause Shirley: they be wantin the jank in MeV/c²? Alex: ya dawg Shirley: those be some weird-ass units son Alex: so its like tryin to buy crack with double-A batteries, that shit ain't happenin' ?

#2390

1618

Oct. 21, 2010, 12:18 p.m.

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Loomis: Cappies integrate society, whereas magnets integrate equations.

#2675

1618

Dec. 15, 2010, 7:34 a.m.

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Fillman: So Cherybdis would suck in the water, and then spit it out later. Evan: Bet Odysseus liked that. Fillman: Not appropriate.

#2906

1618

Feb. 9, 2011, 7:58 p.m.

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Whitacre: So come on guys, what's your best pickup line? Student: Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?

#3343

1618

May 11, 2011, 7:05 p.m.

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//before an AP Dr. Campbell: Please put away all cell phones, dictionaries, unauthorized calculators... Rubik's cubes... //Everyone turns to Neel Students: Five. Four. Three. Two. One. //Neel promptly solves the cube and puts it away

#3385

1618

May 19, 2011, 11:33 a.m.

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//at the end of puzzlepalooza Schafer: JULIAN LOFTON!  What does the number 361 mean to you? Julian: The number of days until next year's puzzlepalooza! Danderson: 362!!! NEXT YEAR'S A LEAP YEAR!!!

#3459

1618

June 10, 2011, 8:14 p.m.

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Gordon: Oh my god, I think I just went A A D in Spanish Hyun: Did you try so hard, and got so far? Bob: But in the end, it didn't really matter?