#12587

1111

Nov. 28, 2023, 12:11 p.m.

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Glenn: I got a text saying "where is the crowbar?" Glenn: Then I got another text saying "where is the duct tape?" Glenn: I'm just glad I didn't get a text saying "do you have an industrial-sized trash bag?"

#12498

810

Nov. 10, 2023, 12:13 p.m.

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Glenn: The G string is so thick! Glenn: It hurts my fingers when I press on the neck and I don't know if I can take it anymore.

#12481

1111

Nov. 8, 2023, 12:46 p.m.

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Glenn: I don’t need “penis worm” on my work computer search history. Glenn: I already have enough questionable things in my search history.

#12476

1111

Nov. 7, 2023, 12:44 p.m.

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Glenn: So now we are going from penis fencing to parasites.

#12475

99

Nov. 7, 2023, 12:36 p.m.

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// Continuation of previous story Glenn: It's so uncanny that both of my children do the exact same things at the exact same times unbeknownst to each other. Andy: Well, they clearly got it from you. Glenn: That's true, but my sister and I didn't do the same things. Andy: Didn't you also roll around in poison ivy to miss school? Glenn: Yes, and unfortunately I am not allergic to it.

#12474

77

Nov. 7, 2023, 12:30 p.m.

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// Continuation of Glenn's story in the previous quote "One was when Sam was 3, I was doing laundry, and I pulled it out his shorts and what was in them was best described as little strips of bacon." "Then I realized, 'oh my god, these are Earthworms I am pulling out of my dryer'." "Turns out my boy was just collecting earthworms and putting them in his pocket." "It wasn't long until Alice also started putting earthworms in her pocket."

#12473

99

Nov. 7, 2023, 12:28 p.m.

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// Glenn talking about worms "Sometimes when I teach this unit, I am reminded of my kids, not that they are like worms." "When Sam was 4, he shoved a bead up his nose and I had to take him to the doctor to get it removed." "At age 4, Alice also shoved a bead up her nose." "In kindergarten, Sam cut his shorts into fringes, and he said 'I wanted to be faster.'" "Alice also once came home from kindergarten with fringed shorts." "She said 'I thought it would make me faster.'"

#12464

2222

Nov. 6, 2023, 12:26 p.m.

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Glenn: As if everything on land in Australia isn't made to kill you, the waters are also full of things that can kill you.

#12462

1212

Nov. 6, 2023, 12:21 p.m.

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Glenn: I'm pretty sure that's a frat boy prank thing. Glenn: Don't pee on each other!

#12461

913

Nov. 6, 2023, 12:15 p.m.

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Glenn: What do you buy for a 77-year-old lady? Andy: A coffin.